Loving Him Was Never Meant for Me :(

I used to think that without him,

There would be no sun after rain,

No hapiness after pain,

Without him there would be no joy forever more,

The world would be but a bore.

But now I see how blind I used to be,

Loving him was never meant for me,

You see, after him there was no rain for the sun to come after,

No pain before the hapiness and laughter,

After himthere was joy forever more,

And the world was everything but a bore!

regards,

diddy ali

my dead soul

My soul is screaming,

For a purpose in life,

Noone appreciates me for me,

I do so much in this world,

They tell me I'm a burden,

Can't they see I do something,

For them, and who they are?

I want to scream.

Make the pain finally end.

And from this world make them know,

That I slaved away for them,

I tormented my life for them.

And they'll weep and mourn,

They'll see the difference,

As I fly away,

On a moonlit cloud.

To my heaven's paradise,

The angels play beutiful melodies,

As I dance and fly,

Swiftly forgetting all before.

This paradise came,

Forgetting pain and loss,

And my happiness and peace,

Reunited together...

regards,

diddy ali

what i've been looking for

Raging distress sets in the calmness of my breath,

confusing and blatantly igniting any hatred left.

The softness in your eyes when my world divides,

close my mind and refusing to take sides.

Should I deride any traces of complacent memories,

to evade from this never-ending oddity?

What was once a refuge from your verity,

I am now trammeled in my abysmal heresy.

I have searched for someone to feel safe in embrace,

for I have held my breath for so long in terror's grace.

Thus you have assembled in faceless hope of guidance,

tainting a smile that has long sought cowardice in ignorance.

Regrets stitched in your anatomy of placate abhorrence.

I burned under the scrutiny of your merciless nescience.

What did you feel when you wrenched my conscience apart,

when you feed me with lies and left behind my heart.

Without a breath of strength left in my pride and forlorn,

you have left me in plethora of pervading lovelorn.

When you estranged yourself from your footsteps at the door,

I realize now that you're not what I've been looking for.

regards,

diddy ali

its almost a year :(

News About 1 Year Ago

BINTULU: Suasana menyayat hati menyelubungi pantai penyu Taman Negara Similajau semalam tatkala pasukan mencari dan menyelamat menemui mayat seorang pelajar yang mati lemas dalam tragedi yang menimpa dua pelajar yang ditelan ombak besar, kelmarin.

Ketua Polis Daerah Bintulu Superintendan Sulaiman Abd Razak semasa dihubungi berkata, mayat Zaid Mohd Dzulkhairi Julaihi, 16, anak kepada seorang kakitangan Shell, ditemui pada jam 3.45 petang semalam oleh anggota Jabatan Bomba dan Penyelamat (Bomba) yang menaiki jetski, kira-kira 200 meter dari lokasi kejadian.

“Kita masih mencari seorang lagi mangsa yang hilang, iaitu Mohd Arif Abd Rahman, 15. Kedua-dua mangsa adalah pelajar Kolej Tunku Haji Bujang, Tanjung Lobang Miri,” kata Sulaiman sambil menjelaskan keadaan cuaca agak memuaskan semasa operasi mencari dan menyelamat dijalankan.

“Jenazah Zaid telah dibawa ke Miri petang semalam oleh ibu bapanya untuk upacara pengebumian,” tambahnya.

Terdahulu, Zaid dan Mohd Arif menyertai rombongan seramai 30 pelajar sekolah mereka dan lapan guru pengiring melakukan lawatan ke Taman Negara Similajau.

Semasa lawatan itu, rombongan terbabit telah dibawa ke pantai yang terkenal sebagai lokasi penyu bertelur oleh guru pengiring mereka yang memakan masa selama tiga jam dengan berjalan kaki.

Setibanya di pantai itu, dua pelajar terbabit dikatakan bermain-main air laut, namun tanpa
diduga ombak besar muncul lalu menarik kedua-duanya ke dalam air dan dikhuatiri lemas sekitar jam 12.40 tengah hari kelmarin.

Seorang pelajar yang hanya dikenali sebagai Mohd Aziz terjun ke laut setelah menyaksikan
dua rakannya ditelan ombak, namun usahanya untuk menyelamatkan mereka gagal memandangkan beliau juga turut hampir lemas.

Bagaimanapun, dalam saat genting itu, beliau menyelamatkan diri dengan berpaut pada tunggul kayu yang dilontar oleh beberapa pelajar lain berdekatan dengannya.
Mohd Aziz terapung-apung selama kira-kira sejam di laut sebelum diselamatkan oleh pihak berkuasa taman.

Sementara itu, gerakan mencari seorang lagi mangsa masih diteruskan semalam yang melibatkan polis Marin, Bomba, Jabatan Pertahanan Awam (JPA3) dan Emergency Rescue Service Malaysia (ERSM) Cawangan Bintulu.

Operasi mencari turut membabitkan pasukan udara dengan masing-masingnya menggunakan sebuah helikopter milik polis dan Shell, selain di kawasan perairan pantai Taman Negara Similajau menggunakan jetski Bomba dan ERSM.

I MISS YOU A LOT ARWAH ZAID

~ ALLAHYARHAM ZAID MOHD DZULKHAIRI BIN JULAIHI ~

~25 FEBRUARI 1992 - 3 FEBRUARI 2008 ~

regards,

diddy ali

Wounds take time to heal, don’t they?

I watch them with awe. I’m amazed to find that these people are real, not a part of my imagination, not characters in my movie, not props in my life, but actual living, breathing human beings with intelligent thought, a lot like myself really, beings with lives, with existential preferences, with people who love them.

I watch as three girls sitting with each other, two behind a row of tables and one in front, sitting in an almost triangular position. It seemed like their conversation is real enough, ideas pouring out of their mouths like spilled coffee and each of them slowly taking what each has to say.

More groups of students talking, laughing and generally living their own lives, perhaps even forgetting that I am sitting behind them, watching.I watch forever.

But I digress, facts that are inborn in most people take time for me to learn, for me to absorb, I guess it’s not easy being a person who knows and remembers, I hardly think this is what the Creator would have wanted, but he is now irrelevant to me, I am here, I exist and I do it all without Him. For the moment I learn, I seek Awakening, I seek knowledge at every corner, but I am also faced with fears and rash paranoia, like what happened this afternoon (unless your name is Adhithya Rhadhakrishnan, you will not have any idea about what I’m talking about).

Most people will never learn to accept me though, not for who I am, but for the person I reveal to others. Humans are fragile, you see, and understanding such truths that I posses could shatter their world. And I too, claim not a total awareness of all, neither do I claim that my Awakening was easy, in fact, I believe I’m still in the process.

regards,

diddy ali